Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I've never checked my email this many times before.I have a blackberry and even though my email account is set up so that whenever I get a new email it will send it directly to my phone, I still feel like I should double check, just in case my stupid phone doesn't notify me. I'm so anxious. I get nervous just thinking about what the email will say. Will he admit he misses me? Will he tell me he loves me still? Will he still want me after everything I put him through over the past 4 months? Even after the year and a half of our relationship? As I lay here, still and quiet in my bed wrapped in my blankets, I wonder where he is right now and what he is doing. Have I crossed his mind at all today? If so, how long did it stay in his mind, and how often did the thought of me come? What is it he thought about if he did think about me. I have so many thoughts yet they only seem to come into my mind whenever I lay here alone. My room is cold, yet the empty and nervous feeling leaves my body in a sweat which makes up for it.I wish I could fall asleep but I think this is gods way of punishing me. He wants me to lay and have these ideas and thoughts rot my mind.I literally feel like an apple being invaded my hundreds maybe even thousands of ants. My brain is the apple and these questions are the ants overlapping my mind and consuming my thoughts. I'm lost for words. All I know is..I wish you were here. I pray that whatever my future brings, you will be the center of it and I will be the center of yours too.

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