Saturday, February 26, 2011

words cant express how blessed i am to share a friendship with her.

"God made us best friends because our families couldn't handle us being sisters" :)

She is the only person I can truly trust and I feel that she would choose me over anyone. I love her and she is more then just my best friend. She picks me up when I'm down and she keeps me together. Its like she knows me so well bc I will literally be crying my eyes out and all of a sudden my phone rings and its her calling to tell me to be ready so we can go out for frozen yogurt! My favvvv:) I honestly don't know what I would do without are talking about 16 years of friendship! That hardly happens now a days. We have been through soo many conniving friends and yet we have never drifted or allowed anyone to come in between. Erica is more then my best friend. She is my sister:)

Monday, February 21, 2011

I'm so determined to learn more about my religion. I want to know everything. I want to be able to have a full on conversation with someone about the Bible and know exactly what I'm talking about. Everything that has happened to me has brought me so close to the lord. Whenever I am feeling scared, sad,worried or alone, I reach for the soldiers Bible that ronnie gave to me on my 19th birthday and instantly I feel peace. I know it is the devil trying to break me down but I wont let him. I won't let him deceive me. I will conquer, I will prevail. The lord is my Savior and I am not ashamed. My Soul will live with him for eternity. I just need to continue to surround myself with good positive and spiritual people. I don't want to be an "every Sunday" Christian but rather an "everyday" Christian. All it takes is one person to impact another persons life. Ronnie impacted mine. It's my turn to impact someone else's. Its like a ripple effect that passes through one person to another. God works in mysterious ways. I can't wait to find out my purpose in life:) pray for me guys. I need all the strength I can get to be able to make it through this difficult time.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Have you ever woken up, angry that you woke up?

Try feeling that way everyday.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I've been so incredibly depressed lately. Nothing feels right anymore. I don't even see a point in living anymore. My heart has been ripped out of me and I am left so broken inside. What am I supposed to do without him? My life will never be the same again. What's the point in living anymore.

These were all my thoughts throughout my day....then someone reached out to me today and gave me this. She leaned over after asking me if my heart was still with the Lord and after slowly nodding yes, she handed me a piece of paper with the following written down on it. The littlest gesture from a person can really save someones life. This person saved my life today. I will cherish this forever.....

My daughter, you are beautiful
I twisted every strand of DNA with my own fingers
I chose your hair that shines
I chose your eyes that glow
Every dimple
Every lash
Every inch of your skin
I made myself.
"She's perfect." I said.
"Do you see my daughter? She's captivating!"

My daughter, you are loved.
I watch you laugh
I watch you grow
One glance takes my breath away
Every image sketched
Every point scored
Every note sung
I burst with pride
"Do you see her? Look! That one's mine."

My daughter, you are known.
I have counted every hair on your head
I know your ideal Guy
Your most embarrassing moment
Your favorite kind of ice cream
I know your fears and your ambitions
I know every secret you've ever had
I know your past
and your future.
I know you better than you know yourself

My precious daughter, you are held
I have seen the tears
The nights when your pillow is soaked
I have seen the heart that was shattered
The hopes and dreams so cruelly dashed

Oh, my daughter, I have seen.
I have caught every tear in a bottle
And I keep it close to my heart
I collected the pieces of your heart
And I hold them still
Longing to restore them.
My arms are ready,

Run to me!
Run to me!
And I will give you rest.

And just like that, my faith was given back to me. All it took was for one person today to remind me of how much I am loved by the lord. He is waiting for me and so is ronnie. They both are wanting me to earn my spot up there and that's what I intend to do. I will see ronnie again.

I love him...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

i remember when he used to say....

"Damn our kids are gonna be sexy!!"

Made me smile just thinking about it. I can still hear his voice. He hoped they would have all of my traits. But when it came down to it, I know he secretly wanted them to look like his mini me lol Our daughters: long dark hair, brown eyes, cute nose and little lips:) our sons: his smile, his gorgeous eyebrows, professional athletes:) lol he'd always say that they would make us rich and provide for us so we wont get sent to a home when we are old. Haha

Ron talked about "our kids" all of the time. As if they already existed. I hope to know someday why god never allowed our dream to come true. Until then I guess ill never know. I love imagining that still. But then it makes me sad after:( I know what I had with him was real. I love him with everything inside of me and if I could go with him up there today, I would. And I would love every minute of it.

I love you ronnie.