Saturday, October 30, 2010

So things are still very hard, but day by day its getting a little more easier to face. Its saturday which means tomorrow is the day I have to really get strong so I can attempt to go back to school this week. My professors are counting on me to be there and finish off the semester strong. I'm supposed to be graduating chaffey in may 2011, so I only have a little way to go. Ronnie was going to see me graduate:( there's no one else I would rather have there then him. I know he will be present with me that day, sitting in the stands smiling at me in spirit. Everyone says I have to make him proud. I know its what he wanted. One of our last conversations we were talking about school. I was having this dilemma about what I should do about my schedule, I remember he told me to stick it out, and work my ass off. He told me as much as he hates to say this military phrase, I have to learn to "adapt and overcome". Meaning, make any situation I am given work out, and then conquer it. I loved when he'd give such great advice. He was always motivating and encouraging.
He wanted to go back to school when he was out of the army. He either said go for an english degree to be a teacher, just like me:), or a business degree or a degree in journalism so he can be a writer. I thought it was a great plan for him. He asked me if I could help him and I remember laughing bc I knew he didn't even have to ask, I would have done it anyway. He even joked about me finishing his homework for him while he sits back, relaxes and watches tv or eats something. I'd always respond by saying huh that's what I'm gonna be doing while YOU finish YOUR homework:) then he'd just laugh his adorable laugh and I couldn't help but smile.
I always talked about how I couldn't wait to be his wife and complete my everyday tasks that wives do for their husbands. We always said we'd meet for lunch during our lunch breaks or I'd make dinner every night and we'd hardly go out to eat only for special days. I wanted to learn how to make his favorite meals, chicken and rice pilaf comes to mind. I know how to do the chicken but I told him I would ask his grandma to teach me how to make his rice. He was picky when it came to food, but so am I. He loves spaghetti but the kind with sauce that has no meat. He can eat chicken whenever, wherever as long as its chicken. On thanksgiving he didn't care for much of the food which meant I wouldn't have to slave over a hot stove all day. Even if I had to, I still wouldn't mind bc I loved the idea of feeding my babes stomach and making him happy to call me his wife.he only likes cake without frosting. He loved apple juice, mountain dew, and starbucks coffee in the glass bottles. It hurts me to know that I won't be able to pack him a lunch for work or school and slip a note in there for him to read:( I miss him. All I have left are these thoughts and memories. I'm blessed to even have at least those.
I remember the day of our first kiss. It was the summer of 2007. I was working at a dental office as an administrative assistant and he went to summer school. After school he walked to my work almost everyday and would bring me something to eat:) I remember one of those days, ashlee and I had to work in a different building to file away old charts and clean up the storage room. We used to call it "the dungeon" bc it was dark inside and you had to climb a million stairs just to get to the back door where we stayed working in there that entire summer. The only time we went back down to the main office which was on the opposite side of that building was for water or to grab something we needed. Ronnie visited this particular day and I will never forget it. He just pulled me close to him, put his arms around my waist, leaned in and kissed me. It was so funny bc ashlee walked in and walked back out haha it was a wonderful kiss:) we talked about it all the time. Not too long ago, I wanna say about 3 weeks ago, we just talked about that day. He made me so happy even way back then.
As you can probably tell,I have so many stories. I will share a lot more, I promise. So if u care to hear more then just wait. If there's anything u want to know and want me to explain, then ask me. Send me a message on FB and I will be happy to share my memories of him.
I love him with all my heart. My plan is to make him proud of me.I will accomplish most of my dreams because of him. He will always be my inspiration.

I love you ronnie.

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