Friday, June 24, 2011

just when i start feeling better, something reminds me of it all over again:(

somedays im so strong, i feel like i can live through anything. but then one day my strength goes away and i feel so sad and lost. my hearts still very much broken, and days like these im reminded of how much i miss him. he meant everything to me. how is a person supposed to go on with their life if their life was ripped out of them. its so hard. im so amazed to see how far ive come. eight months ago i was ready to leave this earth just so i could see him again. i was in shock with everything and i couldnt believe what was happening. now, eight months later im feeling the same way all over again. its so hard to believe still. i sometimes feel like hes not gone, just far away and isnt allowed to contact me. i know he would if he could. bc i know he sees how much i miss him and wish i could have him here with me again. theres so much i need to tell him, so much i want to say. i pray that he hears me when i call for him. he was so handsome. i miss his face. kissing his cheeks and burying my face in his:( i miss his laugh. i can still hear it and that makes me smile and cry at the same time. i wish i could hear him call me beautiful again or tell me he loves me to my face. i wish i could hold him again. the one thing i miss the most is when he would get really tired, he would come over to me and rest his head on my lap and hold my hands as he fell asleep:( i wish i could have that again. i dont know why any of this happened. i dont know why im living still and hes gone. and its so hard not knowing. i wish god were here so he could tell me why. ronnie was the greatest person i have ever known and im so lucky that hes mine. hes waiting for me. he told me he would always wait for me. "forever and seven days babe" is what he used to tell me:) forever means forever. damn it, i will see him again. even if i have to search through the gates of heaven to find him, i will. i love him. despite everything that ive been through these past few months and all the mistakes ive made, it doesnt change the fact that i will forever love him. we may have not been able to be together forever in this lifetime but the lord promises more. he promises bigger and better things so i have faith that he will bring us together again. i pray that he does. everyday i wake up, is a day closer to seeing my angel again and his gorgeous smile. i miss that smile of his. more then anyone can ever imagine. i miss his stories. the one thing i loved to do the most was hear ronnie speak. the words out of his mouth fascinated me. i loved hearing his voice. if he were here he would be laughing bc he knows how much i loved to hear him talk. unless we were arguing haha then thats a different story:) i miss those lil things too. neither one of us could stay mad at each other. it was just a matter of time when one of us would give in and say sorry . we both were so stubborn haha i miss him :( i love him so much! cant wait to see him! so i can attack him with kisses again! i wonder when its going to be my i the only one who thinks about that??

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