went to orientation for the art institute of california today..im just one step closer to making my dream of owning my own bakery someday come true:)) i think ronnies up in heaven smiling down at me right now and id like to believe that he was walking side by side with me as i took a tour of the campus. im super excited for my future. i wish he were here physically but knowing he is spiritually brings me comfort. he is only a breath and whisper away. i miss him so much. i love him so much that it hurts to think about love sometimes. why does god bring people into our lives if hes just gonna take them out eventually:/ ill never understand but i hope to get my answers someday:) i love ronnie joseph pallares. i pray he visits me tonight...

i wanna sing!!!why couldnt i be born with musical talent:/

just when i start feeling better, something reminds me of it all over again:(

somedays im so strong, i feel like i can live through anything. but then one day my strength goes away and i feel so sad and lost. my hearts still very much broken, and days like these im reminded of how much i miss him. he meant everything to me. how is a person supposed to go on with their life if their life was ripped out of them. its so hard. im so amazed to see how far ive come. eight months ago i was ready to leave this earth just so i could see him again. i was in shock with everything and i couldnt believe what was happening. now, eight months later im feeling the same way all over again. its so hard to believe still. i sometimes feel like hes not gone, just far away and isnt allowed to contact me. i know he would if he could. bc i know he sees how much i miss him and wish i could have him here with me again. theres so much i need to tell him, so much i want to say. i pray that he hears me when i call for him. he was so handsome. i miss his face. kissing his cheeks and burying my face in his:( i miss his laugh. i can still hear it and that makes me smile and cry at the same time. i wish i could hear him call me beautiful again or tell me he loves me to my face. i wish i could hold him again. the one thing i miss the most is when he would get really tired, he would come over to me and rest his head on my lap and hold my hands as he fell asleep:( i wish i could have that again. i dont know why any of this happened. i dont know why im living still and hes gone. and its so hard not knowing. i wish god were here so he could tell me why. ronnie was the greatest person i have ever known and im so lucky that hes mine. hes waiting for me. he told me he would always wait for me. "forever and seven days babe" is what he used to tell me:) forever means forever. damn it, i will see him again. even if i have to search through the gates of heaven to find him, i will. i love him. despite everything that ive been through these past few months and all the mistakes ive made, it doesnt change the fact that i will forever love him. we may have not been able to be together forever in this lifetime but the lord promises more. he promises bigger and better things so i have faith that he will bring us together again. i pray that he does. everyday i wake up, is a day closer to seeing my angel again and his gorgeous smile. i miss that smile of his. more then anyone can ever imagine. i miss his stories. the one thing i loved to do the most was hear ronnie speak. the words out of his mouth fascinated me. i loved hearing his voice. if he were here he would be laughing bc he knows how much i loved to hear him talk. unless we were arguing haha then thats a different story:) i miss those lil things too. neither one of us could stay mad at each other. it was just a matter of time when one of us would give in and say sorry . we both were so stubborn haha i miss him :( i love him so much! cant wait to see him! so i can attack him with kisses again! i wonder when its going to be my time..am i the only one who thinks about that??

Everyday is a struggle and somedays I don't even know how I get by. Its become something that I have to face. Whenever I think of him and want to break down the only person that can help me is myself. I have to fill my mind with memories and pray for peace. I miss him so much. I love him still with all of my heart..

:(

I think I finally understand why after one dies, the other dies a few years later. It usually happens with older couples. When one goes, the other goes shortly after. I think its bc you get to a point where you miss them so much you can no longer go on without them. You start to not care, all you want is to see them again. I believe its the helpless longing for your significant other that kills you. Sometimes it just becomes so unbearable:( God not only wants to meet you, but he wants you to be reunited with your love.

why respect me...

I mean, to them I was only just the girlfriend right? That's BS. I was alot more then that and it would be nice if I was treated with a little more respect. I was supposed to be with him forever. I think alot fail to realize that. But its okay. There will come a day when ppl will finally see that I held his heart and he held mine. There's a reason for why we wanted to get married. I'm still praying that one day they can accept that. Until then, just knowing that he's watching is the only comfort I need:)

Have you ever just wanted to run away? Run to a place where u don't know anyone and everything is so unfamiliar to you?have you ever wished that u could escape your problems? I know there's a place like this.. its called heaven. I can't wait to get there. There will be no more pain or suffering. Our memory will be wiped clean and all we will feel is peace and love even towards our worst enemy. That's where he is and it brings me peace during moments like this. I just really wish he were here instead. I just wanna go away, far far away. I can't believe that I'm actually having thoughts about joining the military. I think if he were here, he would be very upset. But I truly want to look into it. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to fight for my family and my friends. I want to bring peace into their lives and I want to make them proud. I want to make ronnie proud of me. I know there's going to be a lot of people upset with me but I think I'm gonna do it.