Everyday is a struggle and somedays I don't even know how I get by. Its become something that I have to face. Whenever I think of him and want to break down the only person that can help me is myself. I have to fill my mind with memories and pray for peace. I miss him so much. I love him still with all of my heart..

:(

I think I finally understand why after one dies, the other dies a few years later. It usually happens with older couples. When one goes, the other goes shortly after. I think its bc you get to a point where you miss them so much you can no longer go on without them. You start to not care, all you want is to see them again. I believe its the helpless longing for your significant other that kills you. Sometimes it just becomes so unbearable:( God not only wants to meet you, but he wants you to be reunited with your love.

why respect me...

I mean, to them I was only just the girlfriend right? That's BS. I was alot more then that and it would be nice if I was treated with a little more respect. I was supposed to be with him forever. I think alot fail to realize that. But its okay. There will come a day when ppl will finally see that I held his heart and he held mine. There's a reason for why we wanted to get married. I'm still praying that one day they can accept that. Until then, just knowing that he's watching is the only comfort I need:)

Have you ever just wanted to run away? Run to a place where u don't know anyone and everything is so unfamiliar to you?have you ever wished that u could escape your problems? I know there's a place like this.. its called heaven. I can't wait to get there. There will be no more pain or suffering. Our memory will be wiped clean and all we will feel is peace and love even towards our worst enemy. That's where he is and it brings me peace during moments like this. I just really wish he were here instead. I just wanna go away, far far away. I can't believe that I'm actually having thoughts about joining the military. I think if he were here, he would be very upset. But I truly want to look into it. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to fight for my family and my friends. I want to bring peace into their lives and I want to make them proud. I want to make ronnie proud of me. I know there's going to be a lot of people upset with me but I think I'm gonna do it.

words cant express how blessed i am to share a friendship with her.

"God made us best friends because our families couldn't handle us being sisters" :)

She is the only person I can truly trust and I feel that she would choose me over anyone. I love her and she is more then just my best friend. She picks me up when I'm down and she keeps me together. Its like she knows me so well bc I will literally be crying my eyes out and all of a sudden my phone rings and its her calling to tell me to be ready so we can go out for frozen yogurt! My favvvv:) I honestly don't know what I would do without her.you are talking about 16 years of friendship! That hardly happens now a days. We have been through soo many conniving friends and yet we have never drifted or allowed anyone to come in between. Erica is more then my best friend. She is my sister:)

I'm so determined to learn more about my religion. I want to know everything. I want to be able to have a full on conversation with someone about the Bible and know exactly what I'm talking about. Everything that has happened to me has brought me so close to the lord. Whenever I am feeling scared, sad,worried or alone, I reach for the soldiers Bible that ronnie gave to me on my 19th birthday and instantly I feel peace. I know it is the devil trying to break me down but I wont let him. I won't let him deceive me. I will conquer, I will prevail. The lord is my Savior and I am not ashamed. My Soul will live with him for eternity. I just need to continue to surround myself with good positive and spiritual people. I don't want to be an "every Sunday" Christian but rather an "everyday" Christian. All it takes is one person to impact another persons life. Ronnie impacted mine. It's my turn to impact someone else's. Its like a ripple effect that passes through one person to another. God works in mysterious ways. I can't wait to find out my purpose in life:) pray for me guys. I need all the strength I can get to be able to make it through this difficult time.

Have you ever woken up, angry that you woke up?

Try feeling that way everyday.